Gas, Hamsters, Dirt, and Limes
Some weeks are care-free and some are stressed to the max. The last couple of weeks have actually been pretty mild for us (god where is the wood so I can knock the hell out of it). Here are some funny and not so funny events that have taken place in the end of March…
Daniel, my wonderful hubby, god knows I love him but man does he have some serious ADD. I am always complaining about the piles he leaves all over the house to “help him remember things he needs to do”, the lack of focus, which you can clearly see on his face when you try to have a conversation with him, and all the half completed projects all over the house. He always calls me on his way home from work but this chat would go a little differently. He starts by asking me if I know how much gas a car will go through if its been running all day long. I obviously have no idea. He calmly says, “A half a tank. I know this because I left my car running all day in the parking lot while I was at work.” WHAT?! He then explains how his car is “complicated” and you have to press the button twice to actually turn off the car. He was distracted because he was on the phone and obviously only pressed it once. OBVIOUSLY. How he managed to do that I have no idea, but I’m also not surprised in the least.
Story #2 is about my wonderful daughter Elianna. She is usually great about cleaning up her room, or so I thought. For the past 6 months or so whenever she would “clean” her room, she would just throw everything in her closet or in her clubhouse (she has a little storage area built into her wall that she uses as a clubhouse. It has a light and everything.) Anyway. So I go to tuck her in at night because NO ONE ELSE could possibly ever do that. It has to be me and me only and she just won’t stand for anything else. As I make my way to her pillow I trip on something tucked under bed. Apparently when she “cleaned” her room, instead of putting everything in her closet this time, because she found out I was onto her game, she instead tucked everything under her bed. What I tripped on was her microscope kit that is in a heavy duty plastic case. I held back the multiple swear words and managed to bite my tongue as my toes were pulsating from pain. I told her I was going to take that microscope kit and throw it in the woods. I always say I am going to throw things in the woods. She starts crying, like usual, and says, ” Oh, are you going to throw it in the woods like Daddy threw my hamster in the woods when it died?!” I had forgotten all about that. This girl can’t remember what she had for breakfast but she can remember all the details about cookie her hamster going into the woods.
Now onto my lovely son Avery. He had been asking me to take him to the barber shop for about a week. He did need a haircut so I told him on Wednesday after preschool I would take him. So I pick him up as usual and apparently they had pasta for lunch. He is covered in pasta sauce, but no biggie, I have wipes in the car, I’ll just clean him up before we go. Their project of the day was to plant a flower in a little cup with potting soil and mulch which was more like mud that anything. Clearly he over-watered the little thing. So I cleaned him up, sauce was gone, and I told him to just hold his plant calmly and when we got to the barber shop I would take it from him. You see where this is going right? I pull into the lot and park my car and open his door to take him out. In the 5 SECONDS it took for me to drive ACROSS THE STREET to the barber shop, he had managed to shake his cup of dirt and get it all over the backseat and floor of my car and all over himself. In a fit of rage I screamed that I was, “SO PISSED” and that that was what bad boys do. I told him he was no longer getting a haircut and instead going right home and to bed. I spent a good 45 minutes vacuuming dirt and mulch and scrubbing the mud off of my seats. Next time, I will take that stupid little plant and put it up front with me. Lesson learned.
I’m ending on a good note today. Daniel called me the other night while he was on his way home from work, and asked me if I needed anything. I asked him to stop by a store and grab a bottle of my new favorite wine. He stopped and got the wine but said he forgot the limes. I told him it wasn’t a big deal and that I could just use lime juice we had at home. So he gets home and says he ended up stopping for limes and he had decided while he was there to get a scratch ticket. So he’s scratching along and ends up getting a bunch of winning numbers! He said, “You know these are all going to be $1 and I’ll end up with $20 and that’ll suck.” I responded with, “Even if it is only $1 you should be happy with whatever you get.” So he starts scratching the prizes to see what he gets and instead of $1, each winning prize was $100! He ended up winning $1000 all because he decided to stop for limes. You’re welcome honey.
-Tracy
Who We Are And Why This Blog…
Who We Are And Why This Blog…
We are the Goitein family.
I’ve been joking around about writing this blog for years. I always said if someone were to videotape our lives, I actually think people would watch. This blog is going to be like, “Keeping Up With The Kardashians” but about a normal, non famous family instead. I’m going to use real words and real feelings and not sugar coat anything, because that’s just not how I work. Also this is REAL LIFE people! The stuff that happens in my family you just can’t make up. Now, let me introduce you to my wacky bunch.
Tracy (that’s me): I’m a wife, a mom, a small business owner. The hustle is real. I’m about to turn 32 and I keep thinking to myself, “How the hell did I get here?” I have a degree in Dance that I’m doing nothing with. My little bitty businesses that I own and run are not anything that I thought I would ever be doing. I start “dieting” every Monday because, THIS WILL BE THE WEEK! I don’t drink nearly enough wine as I should, and I haven’t taken a shower alone or uninterrupted in about 8 years.
Daniel: He is the hubby. 33 years young. I swear he is trying to squeeze every ounce of childhood out before it’s to late…(buddy its been to late for awhile now). He has a super boring job in the software industry. He loves it and tells me all these stories and I politely nod like I am paying attention but in all reality I am instead thinking about ANYTHING else. He loves his Harley Davidson, a nice glass of whiskey, and if there is even one crumb in our bed it’s like the princess and the pea in real life.
Elianna: Our oldest daughter. 8 years old going on 45. An old soul wise beyond her years. She started walking at 10 months old and talking at about the same time. She hasn’t shut up since. Her name came from a Google search for “uncommon Jewish names”. She hates mostly every type of food there is and if you make her try something and she actually likes it, she will never tell you because god forbid you are right about anything. I tell her all the time she is going to win an Oscar one day and believe me she will.
Avery John: Our son. 4 years old. A sweet little boy at night but during the day he is a wild child. Running circles around the couch, doing karate chops and power moves, and eating everything in sight. Drinks chocolate milk and apple cider like it’s the last glass he’ll ever have. He was asked what he wanted to be when he grew up. He responded, “A relaxed man.”
Hayden: Our younger daughter. 20 months old. And lately cranky as hell. She was once so sweet but has recently turned a corner. She is feisty and gets what she wants. She has no problem pushing her older brother to the floor for no reason. She also loves eating, all day long, but also loves going to bed at night. Hallelujah.
Lucy: Our cat. She is a rescue from Alabama. Lilac Point Siamese. Super cuddly. She is always in someones lap (mostly mine), in the laundry basket, or in Hayden’s high chair.
We live in Massachusetts in our absolute dream home. We are in the country for sure but wouldn’t trade it for anything.
The stories I will tell are real life things that happen on a day to day basis. Hopefully you will laugh along with us, maybe even feel our pain once in awhile. So sit back and enjoy.
-Tracy
thegoofygoiteins 